When was the last time your child failed at something — and you let them sit in it?
It’s not always easy to do. Whether it’s a scraped knee, a forgotten homework assignment, or a tough conversation with a friend, the instinct to protect our kids from discomfort is strong. But more and more research tells us this: kids need to struggle to grow.
In today’s world of helicopter parenting, instant gratification, and digital distractions, we’ve slowly started to forget what resilience really looks like — and why it matters more than ever.
The Case for Struggle
Resilience isn’t something you’re born with — it’s something you build. Psychologists define it as the ability to bounce back from stress, failure, or adversity. And the only way to develop that ability is by experiencing it.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, helping kids develop resilience is one of the most protective things we can do for long-term mental health. That means:
- Letting kids take age-appropriate risks
- Encouraging independence, even when it’s messy
- Modeling calm under pressure
- Holding boundaries — even when they don’t like it
It’s not always comfortable, but it’s worth it.
Resilience Is Not the Same as Toughness
We’re not talking about telling kids to “suck it up” or bottle up their emotions. Real resilience means teaching children that hard things can be worked through — not avoided or denied.
It’s also about allowing boredom, delays, and disappointment. Kids don’t need every moment scheduled or entertained. They need space to figure things out on their own.
How Parents Can Help
You don’t need a PhD to raise resilient kids. You just need the patience to step back when it counts, and step in when it matters. That means:
- Letting them fail at small things while the stakes are low
- Talking through what went wrong instead of fixing it immediately
- Encouraging problem-solving rather than rescuing
- Helping them name emotions without judging them
These small shifts build big strength in your child that will last a lifetime.