When your child is in elementary or middle school, bullying can feel subtle but still leave a big impact. As a parent, you don’t have to guess whether something’s “just a phase.” By knowing common signs, asking the right questions, and building your child’s resiliency, you can step into your role as advocate and protector.
Why It Matters
Being bullied isn’t just “kids being mean,” it’s repeated hurtful behavior where there is a power imbalance. Children who are victims of bullying face higher risk for anxiety, depression, sleep problems, lower grades, and skipping school. Recognizing it early means you can help your child before the problem gets worse.
Common Warning Signs to Watch
According to StopBullying.gov, these are some possible indicators your child may be experiencing bullying. (Note: none of these mean bullying for sure, but together they are worth a conversation.)
- Unexplained injuries or damage to things. Items like a torn backpack, broken toy, or bruises that don’t have a simple explanation.
- Changes in behavior or mood. Your child might come home sad, anxious, withdrawn, or say they don’t want to go to school or extracurriculars.
- Physical complaints without clear cause. Frequent stomachaches, headaches, nightmares, or trouble sleeping may be signs of stress from peer issues.
- Reluctance to go to school or leaving early. A sudden drop in participation, refusing to ride the bus, or skipping out may indicate avoidance of bullying.
- Sudden drop in friendships or social interaction. If your child used to play with certain classmates and now avoids them or says “nobody wants to play with me,” that could be a red flag.
How You Can Help Build Strength and Resiliency
It’s important to support your child through this while also reinforcing their confidence, connection, and sense of control. As parents, we can’t always jump in and “fix” everything. Sometimes the best thing we can do is listen, guide, and help our children build the skills to solve problems on their own.
- Create a safe, open line of communication.
Let your child know it’s okay to talk about hurtful experiences. Instead of asking, “Were you bullied?”(which can feel intimidating) try something like, “Did anything happen today that didn’t feel right? I’m here for anything you want to talk about.” This opens the door for honesty and gives your child a sense of control over their own story. - Encourage connection and meaningful activity.
Strong friendships and interests outside of school help children build a sense of belonging and confidence beyond the classroom. Encourage after-school clubs, sports, or hobbies your child genuinely enjoys, not just because they’re “good for them,” but because they expand your child’s world and strengthen who they are outside of school. - Practice problem-solving and empowerment.
Don’t just talk about what might happen—help your child feel ready for it.
- Role-play different scenarios together so they can practice what to say and do.
- Remind them they don’t have to “handle it” alone—teachers, parents, and friends are safe places to turn.
- Reinforce their confidence with specific praise, like: “You stayed calm and told me what happened—that took courage.”
This approach keeps the focus on skills they can use, while showing them that asking for help is a sign of strength.
Closing Thoughts
Remember: noticing a few warning signs doesn’t automatically mean your child is being bullied, but brushing them off isn’t the answer either. Your role isn’t to fix everything overnight, but to guide, listen, and keep your child anchored in safety and trust.
By staying observant (without hovering), reinforcing your child’s strengths, and keeping communication open, you give them the confidence to handle challenges and know they’re never alone.
Bullying isn’t harmless or inevitable, but it’s something families can face and overcome together. With support, connection, and encouragement, kids can bounce back stronger and more confident. Stay present, stay connected, and remember: every hard moment is a chance to help your child build strength and resilience that will last a lifetime.